This happened sometime last semester.
I had made my way back to my room with the help of some friends after a rare night of fun. I checked my e-Mail and wrapped up any conversations I was having as I prepared to go to bed. My roommate strolled in sometime later equally wasted. He checked his Facebook like he does every hour and upon browsing through what must have been some fairly provocative photo albums did something no one should EVER do. Apparently unaware that I was still in the room, or at the very least still awake, he began to 'dub his pud'. Unfortunately I didn't catch on until well into his 'sesh' and was unable to prevent him from continuing due to the fact that my voice could not overcome the volume of his headphones. So there I laid, head buried under pillow, facing the wall, waiting for him to finish and go to bed. It didn't take long and he soon passed out at his desk with his music blaring and his member in hand.
We have since rearranged the room so that I can no longer see his desk from my bed, and I still haven't told him what he did, however I did tell everyone else.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
If it Creeps like a Creeper, It's a Creeper
Well tonight, as no surprise, we had another fire alarm here at school. During the wait outside I had an interesting conversation with a girl I know through a mutual friend. I will call her girl A, mainly because her name is Amanda and it begins with an A. The mutual friend will be called girl G for similar reasons
Girl A approached me and it was pretty clear she was fairly Drunk. After slurring her way through the bit of small talk I offered she shared with me a tale of the creepiest kind.
Apparently she and girl G, walking the halls late one night, discovered my door unlocked. They decided to enter regardless of the fact that both I and my roommate were sleeping. Once inside they stuck around for a short while and watched me sleep.
"you actually looked really peaceful"
-Girl A
After hearing her account I accused her of being a CREEP and made my way to another huddle of people.
Although I was considerably disturbed by her perpetration of such a creepy act, I was even more shocked to learn of a recent restraining order filed by girl G.
Girl G has taken out a restraining order against a friend of mine for reasons stated: My friend entered her room while they (Girl A and G) were sleeping. My buddy was merely looking for a cigarette.
I am astounded by her inability to realize she could just as easily be on the receiving end of a restraining order and I think I might file for one so she can experience it first hand maybe learn a new word: hypocritical.
Girl A approached me and it was pretty clear she was fairly Drunk. After slurring her way through the bit of small talk I offered she shared with me a tale of the creepiest kind.
Apparently she and girl G, walking the halls late one night, discovered my door unlocked. They decided to enter regardless of the fact that both I and my roommate were sleeping. Once inside they stuck around for a short while and watched me sleep.
"you actually looked really peaceful"
-Girl A
After hearing her account I accused her of being a CREEP and made my way to another huddle of people.
Although I was considerably disturbed by her perpetration of such a creepy act, I was even more shocked to learn of a recent restraining order filed by girl G.
Girl G has taken out a restraining order against a friend of mine for reasons stated: My friend entered her room while they (Girl A and G) were sleeping. My buddy was merely looking for a cigarette.
I am astounded by her inability to realize she could just as easily be on the receiving end of a restraining order and I think I might file for one so she can experience it first hand maybe learn a new word: hypocritical.
Monday, March 9, 2009
So much to say about Franklin Pierce University
Franklin Pierce University
What you are doing wrong
There are so many things I take issue with its almost overwhelming attempting to point out all the flaws.
I would like to start by describing the parts of this university I find attractive
1. about 2% of the girls
2. the faculty
The teaching faculty here is probably the best part about Franklin Pierce. I am taking, and have taken, several courses in departments ranging from mathematics and biology to fine arts and poly science; and across the board my professors have been outstanding. In biology I have a royal flush of doctors to choose from; whose expertise range from bats to mosquito. In math I have enjoyed two semesters of intense calculation coupled with the professor's light and subtle humor. My other classes are very much the same.
3. The campus
The campus here is undeniably beautiful. Situated atop a pleasant little hill, here its hard to miss the late fall season as it seduces winter with a magnificent display of organic mosaic. As winter sets in a number of opportunities become available for the winter sport enthusiasts. Pearly Pond offers an excellent chance to do some ice fishing or recreational snowmobiling while the couple of cute local mountains offer an escape for the weekend two-plankers and knuckle-draggers. I have yet to experience spring time here in Rindge but I anticipate an equally beautiful couple of months. That is if the snow ever stops coming down in blankets.
4. The granite ED
ED is the abbreviation for Experience Director. The only reason I'm including this on my list of good things is because the Granite ED is absolutely Bangin. Her looks resemble Eva Green mixed with a little Maynard charm and a bum that looks amazing in any pair of lady slacks
Now for all the things that drive me crazy - get comfy -
1. The administrative faculties’ inability to think critically and use discretion
I have been summoned to 4 administrative hearings; two regarding alcohol, one because I refused to write a paper about an alcohol class I was forced to take in relation to one of the two citations, and the final time for trying to break into my own room.
The first time was an actual legitimate offense. I was in possession of the remainder of a friend’s 30-rack which he had forgotten in my room. While walking to his room to drop them off I was cornered by a Campus Security officer who I will call Fat because it rhymes with his name which is Pat.
The second time I was cited for "passively supporting the consumption of alcohol" by being in the same room as people consuming alcoholic beverages. This is an actual clause in the school's policy handbook. I'm not sure who the genius was that came up with that one but I can only speculate their college experience consisted of them spending all of their time in their own room with their eyes closed and earmuffs equipped. To tell me that I am in support of something is to put words in my mouth and ideas in my head. And for this second offense I was sentenced to attend a two hour workshop geared entirely to people who actually consume alcohol. I don't mean to say I am 100% sober, however, as far as this University and its residential life staff knows I don't drink.
The workshop was to be followed up by a one page paper describing all the useful things I learned and how I can apply them to my life at Franklin Pierce. In the e-Mail I received laying out the assignment I was asked to avoid sarcasm. I might have actually had something to write about provided that Fat showed up for his portion of the workshop however he failed to show, which I understand is not a rare occurrence as he misses nearly all of them. After sitting through the less than informative workshop I responded to the e-Mail stating that I would not be submitting a paper because without being facetious I would only have 4 statistics to list and would not meet the page requirement. And so I was once again cited, this time for failing to comply with a request by a faculty member.
The Final citation brings me to my next matter.
2. How the school handles fire alarms
after experiencing roughly 7 fire alarms thus far, I am unimpressed by the manner in which Franklin Pierce deals with false fire alarms. As all procedures go when a building may be on fire, we all exit the building and gather in a designated location. This normally wouldn’t bother me much however; the alarms are never pulled before 1:00 am. Even this isn’t really that disrupting as most residents are still out drinking. What really angers me is what happens when three alarms get pulled in one night. The geniuses on the volunteer, fantastically fast fire fighting force order us to not enter the building until 6:00 am. Last time this happened the temperature was well below freezing and we were kicked out at 3:00 am. I am pretty sure when I sent the tuition check to the university, which includes my dorm room fee; I paid to spend every night that the dorms exist during the 08-09 school year. When we asked why we couldn’t go in we got a mouthful of attitude from the asshole playing monarch. On top of all the ridiculousness, for every alarm pulled each resident is charged 5 dollars. I find this to be the most counterintuitive bit of policy I have ever encountered in my nearly 19 years on this earth. They ought to charge everyone but the residents of the victim hall 1 dollar or use some of the money to buy a camera to watch the door. Of course they won’t do this because they have absolutely no capacity to think critically and i seriously doubt the thought has ever crossed their mind. They invest all their faith in campus safety vet. Fat and his incompetent compatriots to get to the bottom of all violation matters.
It is because I made an effort to get back into my room, on the ground floor, which resulted in my fourth citation. The ponytail rockin, hall sentry and I locked eyes as I, a mere a leg and arm away from peaceful sleep, attempted to reenter the hall. My hearing for this offense is in an hour and a half and I'm confident I won’t be recorded for the offense because in his haste he failed to actually ID me. My head is now shaved in an effort to disguise myself. I also purchased a funny hat.
3. The food
If I only had one word to describe the food offered on campus that word would be garbage. The national corporation Sodexo oversees all food operation on campus and also prevents any sale of non sodexo food product from being sold on campus, eliminating any opportunity to eat something that tastes like it should. The first section of the cafeteria is for pizza. The pizza is half a part crust, 1 part sauce, 1 part cheese, 10 parts grease, 1 part something totally random that doesn’t go on any pizza unless its left over from last night’s taco bar. The next section is dedicated to hotdogs, fries, grilled cheese, cheese quesadillas and cheeseburgers. I am confident in saying any meat products served here are the bits turned down by dog-chow producers. I am almost done reconstructing the skeleton of what i believe to be a winged field mouse from all my collected "hard pieces" found in the various meat products. The third section of the food area is where they put out the meals that actually have some variation. Unfortunately they have yet to get the combinations right when serving a meal. I will try to write down a detailed menu for an entire week at some point but will have to come later. Dinner usually consists of some kind of pasta, some form of meat product, random ass salads made of god knows what, warm raw vegetables and the occasional stovetop stuffing served with none of the traditional fixins. The chicken is always boiled and leaves an unpleasant iron taste comparable to blood. The worst part about being a freshman and having to eat the food is that they force you into paying for unlimited meals so you don’t starve or some bullshit. I have found solace in the market basket just down route 119 where I regularly buy bread and sandwich meats as well as snacks to satisfy my taste buds who remain docile in the presence of sodexo food.
4. The water
The water that comes out of every pipe comes from the local aquifer and the Pond. This water is heavy iron from the surrounding hills and mountain. The showers gradually yellow as the year progresses and smells like a penny. If you’re thirsty after 11:00 pm your only option is the water from the sinks or shower which is only suitable for bathing. No fresh water is available on campus for the entire 24 hour day and after 6:30 it will cost you about two dollars at the Pub.
5. The dorms
The school likes to advertise they try to conserve energy however, I would like to point out some serious flaws in their attempt to be "green". The dorms are heated to uncomfortably warm temperatures. The thermostat operates as a positive feedback system, never cooling down, only heating. To combat the heat students gape their windows to allow cool air to flow in which causes the heat to remain on. If you are asleep and don’t have your windows open when this occurs you can expect to wake up a human grape. My best friend this winter has been several bottles of healing moisturizers which I use in an effort to keep my skin from turning into a dried up lake bed.
What you are doing wrong
There are so many things I take issue with its almost overwhelming attempting to point out all the flaws.
I would like to start by describing the parts of this university I find attractive
1. about 2% of the girls
2. the faculty
The teaching faculty here is probably the best part about Franklin Pierce. I am taking, and have taken, several courses in departments ranging from mathematics and biology to fine arts and poly science; and across the board my professors have been outstanding. In biology I have a royal flush of doctors to choose from; whose expertise range from bats to mosquito. In math I have enjoyed two semesters of intense calculation coupled with the professor's light and subtle humor. My other classes are very much the same.
3. The campus
The campus here is undeniably beautiful. Situated atop a pleasant little hill, here its hard to miss the late fall season as it seduces winter with a magnificent display of organic mosaic. As winter sets in a number of opportunities become available for the winter sport enthusiasts. Pearly Pond offers an excellent chance to do some ice fishing or recreational snowmobiling while the couple of cute local mountains offer an escape for the weekend two-plankers and knuckle-draggers. I have yet to experience spring time here in Rindge but I anticipate an equally beautiful couple of months. That is if the snow ever stops coming down in blankets.
4. The granite ED
ED is the abbreviation for Experience Director. The only reason I'm including this on my list of good things is because the Granite ED is absolutely Bangin. Her looks resemble Eva Green mixed with a little Maynard charm and a bum that looks amazing in any pair of lady slacks
Now for all the things that drive me crazy - get comfy -
1. The administrative faculties’ inability to think critically and use discretion
I have been summoned to 4 administrative hearings; two regarding alcohol, one because I refused to write a paper about an alcohol class I was forced to take in relation to one of the two citations, and the final time for trying to break into my own room.
The first time was an actual legitimate offense. I was in possession of the remainder of a friend’s 30-rack which he had forgotten in my room. While walking to his room to drop them off I was cornered by a Campus Security officer who I will call Fat because it rhymes with his name which is Pat.
The second time I was cited for "passively supporting the consumption of alcohol" by being in the same room as people consuming alcoholic beverages. This is an actual clause in the school's policy handbook. I'm not sure who the genius was that came up with that one but I can only speculate their college experience consisted of them spending all of their time in their own room with their eyes closed and earmuffs equipped. To tell me that I am in support of something is to put words in my mouth and ideas in my head. And for this second offense I was sentenced to attend a two hour workshop geared entirely to people who actually consume alcohol. I don't mean to say I am 100% sober, however, as far as this University and its residential life staff knows I don't drink.
The workshop was to be followed up by a one page paper describing all the useful things I learned and how I can apply them to my life at Franklin Pierce. In the e-Mail I received laying out the assignment I was asked to avoid sarcasm. I might have actually had something to write about provided that Fat showed up for his portion of the workshop however he failed to show, which I understand is not a rare occurrence as he misses nearly all of them. After sitting through the less than informative workshop I responded to the e-Mail stating that I would not be submitting a paper because without being facetious I would only have 4 statistics to list and would not meet the page requirement. And so I was once again cited, this time for failing to comply with a request by a faculty member.
The Final citation brings me to my next matter.
2. How the school handles fire alarms
after experiencing roughly 7 fire alarms thus far, I am unimpressed by the manner in which Franklin Pierce deals with false fire alarms. As all procedures go when a building may be on fire, we all exit the building and gather in a designated location. This normally wouldn’t bother me much however; the alarms are never pulled before 1:00 am. Even this isn’t really that disrupting as most residents are still out drinking. What really angers me is what happens when three alarms get pulled in one night. The geniuses on the volunteer, fantastically fast fire fighting force order us to not enter the building until 6:00 am. Last time this happened the temperature was well below freezing and we were kicked out at 3:00 am. I am pretty sure when I sent the tuition check to the university, which includes my dorm room fee; I paid to spend every night that the dorms exist during the 08-09 school year. When we asked why we couldn’t go in we got a mouthful of attitude from the asshole playing monarch. On top of all the ridiculousness, for every alarm pulled each resident is charged 5 dollars. I find this to be the most counterintuitive bit of policy I have ever encountered in my nearly 19 years on this earth. They ought to charge everyone but the residents of the victim hall 1 dollar or use some of the money to buy a camera to watch the door. Of course they won’t do this because they have absolutely no capacity to think critically and i seriously doubt the thought has ever crossed their mind. They invest all their faith in campus safety vet. Fat and his incompetent compatriots to get to the bottom of all violation matters.
It is because I made an effort to get back into my room, on the ground floor, which resulted in my fourth citation. The ponytail rockin, hall sentry and I locked eyes as I, a mere a leg and arm away from peaceful sleep, attempted to reenter the hall. My hearing for this offense is in an hour and a half and I'm confident I won’t be recorded for the offense because in his haste he failed to actually ID me. My head is now shaved in an effort to disguise myself. I also purchased a funny hat.
3. The food
If I only had one word to describe the food offered on campus that word would be garbage. The national corporation Sodexo oversees all food operation on campus and also prevents any sale of non sodexo food product from being sold on campus, eliminating any opportunity to eat something that tastes like it should. The first section of the cafeteria is for pizza. The pizza is half a part crust, 1 part sauce, 1 part cheese, 10 parts grease, 1 part something totally random that doesn’t go on any pizza unless its left over from last night’s taco bar. The next section is dedicated to hotdogs, fries, grilled cheese, cheese quesadillas and cheeseburgers. I am confident in saying any meat products served here are the bits turned down by dog-chow producers. I am almost done reconstructing the skeleton of what i believe to be a winged field mouse from all my collected "hard pieces" found in the various meat products. The third section of the food area is where they put out the meals that actually have some variation. Unfortunately they have yet to get the combinations right when serving a meal. I will try to write down a detailed menu for an entire week at some point but will have to come later. Dinner usually consists of some kind of pasta, some form of meat product, random ass salads made of god knows what, warm raw vegetables and the occasional stovetop stuffing served with none of the traditional fixins. The chicken is always boiled and leaves an unpleasant iron taste comparable to blood. The worst part about being a freshman and having to eat the food is that they force you into paying for unlimited meals so you don’t starve or some bullshit. I have found solace in the market basket just down route 119 where I regularly buy bread and sandwich meats as well as snacks to satisfy my taste buds who remain docile in the presence of sodexo food.
4. The water
The water that comes out of every pipe comes from the local aquifer and the Pond. This water is heavy iron from the surrounding hills and mountain. The showers gradually yellow as the year progresses and smells like a penny. If you’re thirsty after 11:00 pm your only option is the water from the sinks or shower which is only suitable for bathing. No fresh water is available on campus for the entire 24 hour day and after 6:30 it will cost you about two dollars at the Pub.
5. The dorms
The school likes to advertise they try to conserve energy however, I would like to point out some serious flaws in their attempt to be "green". The dorms are heated to uncomfortably warm temperatures. The thermostat operates as a positive feedback system, never cooling down, only heating. To combat the heat students gape their windows to allow cool air to flow in which causes the heat to remain on. If you are asleep and don’t have your windows open when this occurs you can expect to wake up a human grape. My best friend this winter has been several bottles of healing moisturizers which I use in an effort to keep my skin from turning into a dried up lake bed.
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